This is one of the most important things I have written because it has affected me in many ways, and I feel that it is so important for everyone to know this because all my life, no one knew where Cambodia was or that it existed till Angelina Jolie adopted a child from there….and no one ever discussed the genocide mass. I believe it is important to discuss this because trauma do bleed through generations, and my family struggles with PTSD. My family face so much of criticism because people doesn’t realize and understand. IT is so important to discuss this, so my family AND I can start our healing journey, and this was something I have been working so hard to break the cycle so the trauma doesn’t bleed through to my children.
April 17, 2015 marked 40th years anniversary of the beginning of Cambodian Genocide. “By April 1975, a Communist group known as the Khmer Rouge, led by Pol Pot, seized control of Cambodia, renaming the country Democratic Kampuchea. Civil war had existed in Cambodia since 1970. Between 1970 and 1973, during the Vietnam War, the United States bombed much of the countryside of Cambodia and manipulated Cambodian politics to support the rise of pro-West Lon Nol as the leader of Cambodia. The Khmer Rouge used the United States’ actions to recruit followers and as an excuse for the brutal policies they exercised when in power.” ["Genocide in Cambodia"]
Approximately 2 millions of Khmers were murdered, by starvation, labor, and torture, out of 7 millions of population. I wanted to take a moment and thank the heaven that people who managed to survive in my family are here with me. I also wanted to take a moment in silence to remember those who didn’t make it.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, Grace, some family members were pushing me to have an abortion. This is because of so much of trauma, PTSD, and all –isms involved. Of course, I was devastated that some people felt this way and fought against the pressure. This was one of the reasons why I named my child Grace, because I saw this child as a blessing…another blessing. It never hit me till yesterday that Grace was born on the anniversary of the beginning of Cambodian genocide. What a full circle of life. I did remember that the year Grace was born; xe was born on Cambodian New Year. 40 years ago, so many branches of my family tree were burning off. So many lives were lost. But the family tree slowly repaired. A new branch grew when I was born and my brothers. 5 years ago on the anniversary of Cambodian genocide, another branch on my family tree grew. Even though my family tree had been burned, and charred, there is a hope. A hope that is repairing my tree. Even though it wasn’t planned, I truly believe that I was meant to have Grace as my other children. I believe that Grace was sent to me, to signal to my family that it was time for healing.
By the way, someone recently told me that a white Deaf person living in Cambodia told Deaf Khmers that Holocaust was worst than their experiences through Cambodian genocide. This upsets me. I dare you to tell me this to my face. I dare you to tell my maternal grandmother who lost 6 children, and as each child died, she slept next to their body for a night to lie…to get an extra plate of food (which was only a spoonful of rice and full of water. I dare you to tell my mother this who was the oldest of 7 and was so close to her siblings and found the strength to continue through the war by sticking together with her siblings. To this day, she still experiences PTSD: a fear of being abandoned because she lost all of her siblings, and was left alone when soldiers were going on killing spree in her area….she thought she was going to die. I dare you to tell this to my family who lost family members (yes more than one member) recently, due to suicide, because of PTSD. I dare you to tell me this. Holocaust, no doubt, is terrible. But to compare and to rank which is worse, fuck you.
© Leang Ngov Finding My Light, 2015
source:
Geonicde in Cambodia. (n.d.). Holocaust Museum Houston. Retrieved from https://www.hmh.org/ed_Genocide_Cambodia.shtml